I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
