DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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