I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
