Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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