are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
