I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
did i just pee glitter
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
