I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
