im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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