Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
