I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
