There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
