Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Do vagina's smell?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
