He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
