Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize