I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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