Moan for me like Helen Keller
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize