dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
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