Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
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