did you get engaged???
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize