pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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