Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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