i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
