At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
