i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
