Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I think your dad took our porno
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
