evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
