Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Randomize