I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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