I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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