who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
