I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Operation Purity has been aborted
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
