we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
