yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
