I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
