I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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