i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
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