Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize