that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
