i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
