I wish I could punch you in the face.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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