Will you blow on my dice?
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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