So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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