Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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