If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Randomize
