he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
