you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
