i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
i think i just lost a toe
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Randomize