note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Randomize
