i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
