He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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