Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
