Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
this hospital has no fireball
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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