I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Randomize
