i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
