I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
