So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
