and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
that is very illegal...i love you.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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