Come see our sink grown plant.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
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