I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
