Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
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