i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
