She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
