We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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