well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
