i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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