Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
