garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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