And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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