Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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