can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
