I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
