In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
so let's talk penis.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
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