how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
