I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
