so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
