I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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