the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
