The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
