fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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