Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
