being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
