the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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