I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
