he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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