Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
