You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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