How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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