i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
