Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
