I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
