Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
